Announcing a New Lil' Potato Head!

Dr. J and I are pleased to announce the arrival of our brand-spankin' new nephew, Brandan.

He joins big brother, Tyler, who was reportedly more interested in playing with his monster truck than his new baby brother.

Who's In YOUR Office?

Inspired by my friend Adrian, I recently e-mailed my friends to inquire about the nicknames they use for co-workers (so as to avoid being caught directly referring to them in conversation or an e-mail). The results, in no particular order, we quite interesting:

* Broom (as in what a witch rides on)
* Me and Mini-Me (what one does, the other does too)
* Muppett (a woman; think of the old Muppets theme song, "It's time to put on make-up!")
* Grasshopper (A person who has a lot to learn from women)
* Chef (Another guy named Alfredo whose name I could only remember by going alfredo, pasta, sauce, chef)
* Laptop Fairy (a person who, when saw a damaged laptop, said, "IM the laptop fairy, I can fix it")
* Sunil "2 Drink" Sachidevi (as in our VP who we took a picture of with two glasses of wine in his hand)
*Chris "Sinky Shoes" Rose (as in our CIO who asked me to mail him his shoes back to his home as his luggage case was full)
* Grover (as in the Muppets)
* Fishie (means drinks a lot)
* Man Hands (one of my friends admitted this is her nickname, since she has large hands, hee-hee!)
* Grapes (her humongous nipples show through every single blouse/shirt she wears)
* Peepers (with his thick glasses on, his eyes are nearly impossible to see! But when he removes them, WHOA, look out!)
* Gums (when she smiles, that's all we see)
* Batman and his faithful assistant Boy Wonder (Yes in real life Boy Wonders lips are so tight around Batman's dick, it is so pathethic . . . are also referred to as Gargamel and Azreal)
* Nasalist (she talks through her nose in a monotone voice)

But perhaps you are in need of some code names in your office -- or it's time to change everyone's code name, for safety sake (and I highly recommend that you do this from time to time). Then consider the following web site that my sassy friend, and entrepreneur, Kerry sent me:

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mule/smurfgen.html

The Hot, Hazy Rants of Summer

It's been a while since I went on a rant. So today, when the downtown temperature is expected to hit 101 degrees during the late afternoon hours, seems like the perfect time to post some rants in need of exposure:

1. Bosses who grumble, growl, and walk around in a pissy mood because they aren't getting laid -- not at home, and not at the office.
2. Days when it is blazingly hot outside, and yet half of my co-workers and I have our space heaters on under our desks. (Who designed this building?!)
3. As always, anyone who wants to understand why the terrorists don't like us. Oh boo-frickin'-hoo! And pass me an AK47, please. I'll show you how to achieve peace . . . through superior firepower.
4. Irregular communication with family and friends. Please stop finding me only when you want something (be it sympathy, a favor, to entertain you when bored), and then ignore me. Sure, stuff happens. But trust me, you're not more busy than anyone else in this world. They're called "manners." Try using them occasionally.
5. The fact that the YMCA is shutting down the cardio and nautilus areas for 2 damn weeks for "upgrading." This means they're installing new carpet. It takes 2 weeks for this? And when it reopens, I get the joy of suffering through several months of coughing and sniffling due to the allergies that crop up when carpet is installed? Here's a brilliant idea -- get hardwood floors or a cushy indoor track floor!!! And thanks for doing this during the hottest of summer months -- I'll be sure to remember when you come begging for a contribution come fundraising time!
6. ANYONE who whines about working without a contract or having to contribute to their health care costs at work. Welcome to the Real World, where 90% of us face the joy of being fired on any given day, and are thankful we have employer-subsidized health care! Hear us compaining about working under these cruel and uncertain conditions? NOPE! Don't like it? Find another job or change professions. You are not entitled to jack shit in this life.
7. The ever-increasing gross-out factor on public buses. Ugh! Just how rarely are the interiors cleaned?

Now exhale . . . .

Update on "Bus-Riding Beer Man"

I happened to take the same bus, at the same time, home on Friday as I had the previous week (not my normal bus, mind you). Two stops after I got on, I noticed that the "Bus-Riding Beer Man" from the previous week had also gotten on. This time, he was without his woman. But rest assured, the beer cooler was with him! And as with last Friday, he guzzled down a few cold ones on the way home.

I wonder at which bus stop he exists the bus (I get off before him), and just how good his buzz is by that time? Good Lord, I hope he wasn't exiting at one of the park-and-ride lots and driving off into some beer-hazy sunset!

What You'll See on Public Transit . . .

You never know what you will see, especially when it comes to public transit . . . yesterday, on my way home from work, there was a couple in their late thirties sitting across the aisle from me, in the very back row of the bus. The guy was dressed like a construction worker, and had a rather large lunch bag with him. This left me wondering, why did he need such a large lunch bag?

I soon found out.

During the approximately 40-minute bus ride home, he casually pulled out two cans of beer (the first was a Pabst, the second a Michelob), and proceeded to drink them.

At first I was appalled -- I had never seen anyone do this before! But then I realized that, deep down, I was jealous. Think about it . . . how freakin' great would it be to be able to enjoy a cocktail on your bus or subway ride home after a long work week?!

If they made all the beverages have a lid, and limited the amount you could purchase, perhaps the profit margin would be enough to increase mass transportation revenues?!?!

Standing with the Brits

I awoke to deep sadness this morning as I learned of the awful, disgusting acts of terrorism commited by vile homicide bombers. Once again, democracies and freedom are under attack by those phucking islamic fundamentalists.

As I weep for our British friends, and send many prayers their way, I hope that today's murders of innocent and free people will finally convince any remaining idiot holdouts that understanding and appeasing terrorists is NOT the answer!

We need to get a whole hell of a lot tougher on hunting down and killing these pieces of murderous filth, and slamming the doors of our borders tightly shut!!!

Happy Birthday USA!

Today is the day that every American should pause to reflect on how blessed we are to live in our amazing republic, thank our veterans, pray for our troops, and re-read the Declaration of Independence.

And to those of you who bitch and moan about my beloved country, instead pandering to the America-haters of Europe and beyond, please do us all a favor and . . . LEAVE IMMEDIATELY ('cause no one wants your sorry ass here anyway!)