The Scrolling Buckle

Time to alert all of you to another fantastic shopping idea for the hard-to-buy-for person on your list . . . THE SCROLLING BELT BUCKLE! Don't laugh, folks -- this is a real product that you can actually purchase.

Of course, it begs the question . . . what message would you program into this gizmo, should you happen to wear it out on the town some evening? Well, I asked a bunch of you that very question, and here are your responses:

* MILF Hunter *

* Yippee ki-yay MoFo! *

* Don't you wish your girlfriend (wife) was hot like me? *

* I'm just honored to be nominated *

* Damn! You look good! *

* Eyes Up! Horny Broad *

* If you were a dog, I'd kick you *

* WAXED AND READY *

* Slippery When Wet *

* Dangerous Curves *

* Let's hug it out, Bitch! *

* So many men, so few who can afford me *

* Coffee, chocolate, & men -- some things are better rich *

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship *

* Sorry if I look interested . . . I'm not *

* If we are what we eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy *

* Like what you see? Then tell your cute friend! *

Feel free to send me any additional responses!

Not Your Typical Catholic Mass

Though my brother has already been at college for two weeks attending football camp, yesterday there was a mass held for incoming freshman and their families at Duquesne University. Mr. Bill asked that myself, Dr. J, our baby brother Mr. Chad, Big Bill (our shared father), and the boys' mother attend the mass with him. An interesting development, to say the least, since Mr. Bill, Mr. Chad, and their mother are Presbyterian, while Big Bill, Dr. J, and I are Catholics.

Nonetheless, following a deliciously hearty (and cheap) breakfast at DeLuca's in the Strip District (which all of us now highly recommend!), we attended the mass held at the Palumbo Center on the Duquesne campus. Since Catholics are used to religious services held only in churches, this was a bit strange at first. I have come to rely upon staring at stained glass windows, or counting the number of statues, organ pipes, yadda, yadda, yadda to keep myself sitting somewhat still when the choir insists on all 5 verses of a song, or the priest goes off the deep end during a homily no one can follow (Yes, Father Bernie, I am talking about YOU).

With none of these usual coping mechanisms in place, I began to make random mental notes about the following observations:

• When did a Catholic mass become something closer to a Southern Baptist revival tent service? South African songs? Bongos? The choir swaying and clapping? Is this an urban Catholic thing, or a Duquesne thing? 'Cause it sure isn't happening at any other mass I've attended in this state! [Bishop Wuerl was presiding -- was this his Ode to John Paul II, by reaching out to the youngsters?]
• When did freshman girls get so ridiculously skinny? Are their parents ignorant to their daughters' eating disorder, or subconsciously pleased since they (the parents) are fat?
• In an era of downsizing products bought in supermarkets (i.e. you're paying the same price for a 10 oz. box of Cheerios that was a 12 oz. box last year, and probably didn't even notice the downsizing of the product), when did the Catholic Church begin downsizing the Communion wafer? Not just at this mass, but also at my home church! A few weeks ago I noticed that the size of our wafer had been reduced by about 40% . . . at the time Dr. J and I attributed it to the nuns/sisters (from which our church buys the wafers) were either on strike or watching a "Sound of Music" marathon, and perhaps our church had begun buying from a different convent for a change. But now that I have experienced a downsizing in another setting, I am left wondering . . . are we literally getting less of the Body of Christ?

The Perfect Brithday Present!

While checking out the new mall this weekend, this t-shirt grabbed my attention at a kiosk display. Immediately, I began to think of all the folks on my shopping list for whom this would make a splendid gift!